Something people forget – myself included.

You want to show up to a party and have everyone notice who you are; the man in his group of friends, not talking much, but at ease being silent. Comfortable, and unworried.

Something that we forget in our quest to appear interesting, is that interesting comes from mystery. We go off on tangents about ourselves, how we went to this place, and did such a daring act with those people, that the person we’re talking to remarks in their head, Oh, here’s more of the same.

Being mysterious is achieved by doing the opposite of your natural inclination.

Don’t talk about yourself. Not in the drag your heels, This guy blows at conversation, type way.

But when someone asks a question about you, don’t carry on about yourself. Answer as briefly as possible without superfluous details.

I know: talking about yourself is everyone’s favorite subject, and the one we know most about. But in our haste to appear charismatic to other people, it does the opposite of what we want. When we carry on about our mountain biking trips, or our trips to Spain, or what have you, that air of mystery is obliterated.

So, what do you do instead of talking about yourself?

Simple — be genuinely fascinated other people.

Like I said before, everyone’s favorite subject is themselves, and other people love talking about themselves just as much as you do. Ask them; what do they do for fun, what do you they love in life, if they could do anything in the world, what would it be and why aren’t they doing it right now?

Shunting questions off of yourself, being brief, and being authentically curious about other people is the way you generate a charming and mysterious air.

Because by the end of the conversation, you two part ways, and he goes off on his own thinking, What a delightful conversation. And then he starts really thinking about it, and he realizes, Wait, who the fuck was that charming devil? He had a twenty minute conversation with the man and goes, I know almost nothing about him.

So if you want to be mysterious, say next to nothing, and be genuinely curious about other peoples’ lives.

Silence is the key to charisma. And if you must talk, brevity is the soul of wit.

Apply this concept and you’ll realize less is often so much more.


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2 thoughts on “How to be charming

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