You have to focus on you.
Others do their own things. You see the best of them on social media, and so that might make you feel self-conscious. But you can’t focus on what they’re doing.
My girlfriend likes a saying; comparison will kill you.
I like it too – but it’s very easy to say these things, it’s much more difficult to actually not compare yourself with others.
There has to be a reasoning behind it. Something to stand firm when you’re pushed back by self doubt.
Comparing yourself with others is another variation of the looking-outside delusion. There’s an old adage that says ‘you can’t tell a book by it’s cover.’ You can’t tell much about a person’s life — if it’s getting better or worse, if they’re happy or unhappy — by looking at externals. The only meaningful comparison one can make is the comparison between our life today and yesterday, last month or last year. Wall Street analysts, for example, don’t generally compare IBM to General Motors or Amazon.com to AT&T.”
The Buddha in Your Mirror
It’s difficult, I grant you.
You don’t know whether someone loves their life by their Snapchat or their Instagram.
You could only know if you asked, and if they were brutally honest with you. Which most people won’t be.
Something else that helps is taking your happiness into your own hands. Once you say, Okay, I don’t need to hang out with this person for me to have fun, there’s this tremendous relief. Because then you can stop asking to hang out. You don’t have to text them back right when they respond, you don’t have to wait by your phone hoping they’ll respond faster.
If you take responsibility for your own happiness, it’s the right step. I’m not saying you will be happy.
But it’s a step in the right direction – and it always take reminders to keep you on that track.
You will forget this. You will forget that you can have fun with other people. Really have fun, I mean.
And that’s when you need to read a book about happiness, or you need to see a passage like the one I put above.
And it’ll remind you. And you’ll forget after a while and need to be reminded again.
Something else I wrote about a few days ago was the principle of impermanence. When you’re sad, you feel everything will always be sad. Logically, you know it will end. In your heart though, it feels like everything will always be sadness.
Your heart is a liar. Everything passes. Every anxiety, every angry mood, all sadnesses. Everything passes like clouds in the sky; a constantly changing scenery. Your emotions are like the clouds. So solid, so visceral right now, then unrecognizable in the next few minutes.
Everything passes. So, you may be sad right now, but don’t worry.
There will be another sunny day.