I remember sitting in an armchair of my living room when I was in elementary school. I don’t have an age for you, but I can tell you it was between first, and fourth grade.
I was sitting in that armchair, and a lucid thought came to me; how do I be happy?
So from a young age I had that question. It was ever-present in my life. It is ever-present in my life.
We all think most people are vastly different from every one else. But really, that’s not the case. The troubles and worries on your mind? They may take a unique viewpoint and situation, but they’re present in every one.
Being pretty or handsome enough, wanting to feel loved, wanting to be popular in person/on instagram/or wherever. Wanting to be enough.
I will never say I’m definitively happier than anyone else. But I feel I have my head screwed on straight.
And the thing is, my looking for happiness was stagnant for years. From elementary school up through most of high school, I suffered with unworthiness, self-consciousness, and insecurity. No matter how much I battled.
Then a few things happened. I will focus on only the catalyst in this post. But there were more points in my life that proved definitive.
It’s something I’m always hesitant to talk about because even though I know it works, most people are very attached to it. But there is a cause and effect chain here that’s lead me to where I am today; so I’ll write about it now.
So the thing I’m always hesitant to admit to anyone.
I uh… So I don’t jerk off.
Whoa. Wait, what the fuck, this guy represses his base urges, this guys a fucking sadist, he doesn’t jerk off? He’s got to be lying. Everyone does that dude, why would you even stop?
Hold on. Let me explain.
Firstly, let’s not think of the act here. Let’s think about after.
What do you want to do immediately following jerking off? Do you want to go play soccer, hang out with your girlfriend, or write words on paper?
No. You want to sleep. You want to eat food. And you want to watch some Netflix. Why? Because you’ve just wasted your masculine vitality into a napkin. Or tissue.
And this isn’t even getting into what watching porn does to your mind.
I’ll say this about porn, and then stick with just speaking on jerking off.
When you watch porn, you are warping your mind to a reality that only exists on your screen. If you watch porn, you’re getting off on watching another man, and woman, having sex. If that was reality, it’d be called cuckolding, and that’s a weird as fuck fetish.
You’ve heard that argument before. But I’ll admit something now that will hopefully change your mind about porn. There was a point in my life, when I couldn’t talk to any girl without some sort of sexual motive in mind. That’s how porn warps your head with girls. And it’s wrong.
But let’s just stick with jerking off. Which I don’t expressly have a problem with – it’s just a matter of choice. Who do you want to be?
The choice as I see it is this: you can jerk off every day. That’s completely fine. Go for it. No one is stopping you. And if someone tries, you might need to talk with your friend’s about boundaries.
But also know, and this is a true fact for anyone who’s ever jerked off, that when you jerk off you feel tired, and unmotivated afterwards. It’s a biological truism. You’ve just fulfilled your biological duty to life, so really, you don’t have a purpose anymore. And this is reflected in how you feel afterwards.
You know this. Don’t lie to yourself.
When you jerk off, you turn in homework assignments late.
That’s true, isn’t it? When you jerk off, you don’t really want to talk to girls because what’s the point? Just go home and tug it, son. Way easier.
When you jerk off you sleep, eat, watch Netflix, and then jerk off again.
Your desire? Your hunger to be the best possible human you could ever be? That desire is in the tissue, man.
Now I’m not saying you’re not going to be successful if you jerk off. I’m saying that most people don’t have the abundant determination and life energy to ward off mediocrity if they jerk off every day.
Now, that situation I’ve described over the past few paragraphs? I’m not disparaging whoever’s reading this. I’m telling you that was me, and I know it’s a lot of people too. You can lie to yourself and say it’s not, but deep down you know.
Now let’s flip to what happens when you don’t jerk off every day.
The first few days are the toughest because going from jerking off a few times a day to none, leaves your body going, What the fuck.
This is because your body is thinking that you’re getting laid and fulfilling your biological goal in life. When you disrupt that, you’re fighting the strongest desire a man can have. You’re fighting your own sexual energy.
And you’ll probably jerk off. No worries, it took me a year or two to completely break my habit. And still, I’m always wary.
But what happens after a few weeks and you haven’t jerked off? There is an itch.
That itch used to be satisfied when you tugged it and then took a nap.
But now you can’t do that. So there is this itch, there is this desire and your usual mode of satisfaction has been restrained. And you itch and itch and itch.
And eventually you think to yourself, I have to fucking do something or I might just go out of my goddamn mind. Because that itch is there. Most people just cover it with years of masturbation.
And when you stop masturbating something weird happens. You have desire to keep texting that girl because suddenly, that’s something that seems like a really good fucking idea. Suddenly, you decide to go for a run just to fatigue your body enough that you stop thinking about your dick.
Suddenly, you decide, I’m not satisfied with sitting here and giving nothing to the world.
And you pick up a pen or pencil, and you write. Or you get a gym membership, and hit the gym like an animal. Or you start talking to a lot of girls.
And suddenly you have all these nascent gifts you want to bring to fruition in the world.
When you don’t jerk off into a tissue all the time, you suddenly have this aching desire that almost drags you towards this question, How do I know, and love, myself?
Willpower isn’t needed anymore. You’re fucking dragged to fulfill your potential in life.
And I can’t speak for anyone else, only myself.
But years later? I have a loving girlfriend who I find sexy as hell. I’m working two jobs to fulfill my dream of traveling in Asia. I’ve snuck out late at night to chill with friends, because when you don’t jerk off every adventure, well, they all seem like good ideas. I’ve gone on surf trips, mountain biking trips, backpacking trips, trips to Pennsylvania with my girlfriend. I write mostly every day, I read all the time, I meditate, and I’m constantly looking. For what, I don’t know. But I’m constantly looking.
I feel happy for the most part. I feel vital, I feel confident about life. Everyone has their doubts and bad moments, but through my writing, meditation, and yearning for experience in life, I feel pretty well off.
So that’s the choice you make. I’m not saying masturbation is wrong.
I’m just saying that there’s no way to live to your full masculine potential if you waste that desire into a Kleenex.
Also, if you made it all the way down here. I’ve noticed some of these pictures don’t necessarily pertain to what I’m talking about. That’s cool. I just wanted something for my readers to look at when they read these posts, and I thought some of these pictures were pretty dope. Thanks for reading!