Death was crouched on your shoulder since the day you were born

If I could do it again, I would go to a four year college right away.

That was my manager. He told me he’d done two years of school at my local community college, and then went to a public school a few hours away. And I said, Shit, dude you’re killing me.

Because I’m torn on this subject. There’re two options when I return from Thailand; go to my local community college and save money on university fees, or go to a four year school, get charged out the ass for class, and have a rip-roaringly drunken good time.

And coming from a late twenties manager, the encouragement to go to a four year school and have a great time sounds really, really good.

I don’t want to go to community college. I don’t want to live with my parents. I don’t want to go to shitty parties. It’s just not the college experience.

But I started thinking.

Getting drunk for four straight years and having a righteous time is great. Don’t get me wrong. If I was given a free ride at school, I’d do it. Without a doubt.

There’s liquor, there’s bud, there’s beautiful girls, and the chance to enjoy it with your best friends. You can stay out until the wee hours of the morning every weekend and boast about how you only got two hours of sleep, then had to go to class, then immediately crashed afterwards.

Those things are great. Everyone loves them. But sometimes we forget the low’s.

The girls crying in bars because their friends // boyfriends // llama they had brought left them. The bro who thought it a good idea to throw punches. What goes up must come down, and the world of form is a cyclical process between pain and pleasure.

And no matter if you’re on the up, or the down, it won’t last.

One day, they’ll just be stories.

And what was once had will be missed, because it came from outside.

What is wrong with experiencing it for what it is, you say? Just having it and letting it go just as easily.

Because it’s never easy. Who do you know who serenely let’s go of something that was once good to them? A boyfriend or girlfriend? Explosive break-ups happens because it was once good, and now it is no more.

Maybe it’s the product of my doing psychedelics, but I see time and death’s influence everywhere — not in a depressing way. Just a constant reminder — time passes, the world of form changes, and death gets closer with each passing day. And that’s not in a depressing way: it’s a fact of life. Don’t mistake me; I love getting myself into a good drunken stupor with close friends as much as the next guy. I love smoking with my girlfriend.

But one day I won’t be able to do either of those things. One day my friends and I will be separated, or one day my girlfriend and I won’t be able to enjoy a bowl together.

And what do I have then?

I’m not ripping on sense-pleasures. I love them as much as the next person. I love partying, and I love rollercoasters, and I love sitting down with my first cup of coffee in the morning with an excellent book.

But one day, I may not have those things. And what is there then?

A sense of loss. But there is a state that is one of stillness.

There can be a peace, an inner stillness that prevails in your heart until the day you die. It’s possible because Jesus has shown it to be so, and the Buddha, and other sages down through the generations.

Please don’t be so distracted by the pretty things here that you forget what matters. That death was crouched on your shoulder since the day you were born. That stars are so beautiful, and the universe is so large that what happens here doesn’t really matter.

I’m not ripping on sense-pleasures. Enjoy them; I do. But please don’t be so distracted by the world in your mind you forget what matters.

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4 thoughts on “Death was crouched on your shoulder since the day you were born

  1. Speaking from personal experience: I did 2 year community college then transferred to a 4 year university, and I’m so glad I did. Granted, I was never one to crave the ‘college experience’ and since I didn’t have one, I still have no regrets. It’s nice to know that my student loans are that of a small car payment instead of a small house payment, and when I look at my degree hanging up over my desk in my office, I have a sense of accomplishment, instead of resent. My piece of paper only cost me $18,000 instead of $80,000 and for that, I’m proud of.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You make a good point; honestly it’s something that’s been running through my mind a little. Not much, because I still have six months in Thailand before I get there, but a little. I think you’re right, it’s one hundred percent better to go to community college and not be handicapped by a massive student loan payment rather than party and have a good time.

      But I’m still thinking on it. Thanks for replying about your experience!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Who knows: maybe you will get your fill of adventure out of your Thailand trip and come back with a different frame of mind than before. Have fun on your trip! Can’t wait to read about it!

        Liked by 1 person

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