First off, an explanation. As I write this at 4:02pm on a Saturday I am five days away from taking a flight to Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam, Netherlands. From there, my mother and I will be staying in a hotel, and she’ll head to visit my family in Germany while I wait for my girlfriend to arrive a couple days later.
On January 4, I’m flying into an airport in Bangkok, Thailand where I’ll dick around Southeast Asia for six months.
The reason this is my last post on this blog is because I’ve started a new one. I decided to get serious and buy hosting with Bluehost to have my own website stored there. You can find it here.
Also, between December 16 and January 4 there will be no writing unless I absolutely can’t resist. There are reasons for this. I’m actually hanging up all my disciplines between December 16 and January 4, so I won’t meditate, write, read, or journal if I don’t want to. But you folk are mostly concerned with the blogging, so let me explain.
The first, is that I’m burned out. Not completely, not, Shit, I hate writing and I’m never writing a fucking word again. It’s not that bad. But… My first ever post was October 21, 2015. That’s over a year ago. And I blogged pretty much every day for the first six months of my daily blogging challenge. Then as I got better at writing, and most recently in the past few months, I’ve found myself not writing every day. I’ve found myself having a streak of a few days and then not having the will to write. I still enjoy writing and there was one piece in particular that captured how I felt earlier this week. I was absolutely not feeling writing when I started it. And then I started writing and it flowed.
Now: I still love daily blogging and I recommend any writer who’s looking to get better do it. It advanced my learning curve by a ridiculous amount and it forces you to come up with ideas every single day. An invaluable skill.
But I’m a little burned out now, and when I go to Germany, it’ll be my girlfriend and I’s last few weeks together before we take a break for six months. And I want to spend those few weeks with her, not on my laptop.
But there’s also a second reason I’m suspending my disciplines for the time being. The thought was piqued by a book I’m reading called Think on These Things by Jiddu Krishnamurti.
When you discipline yourself to do something, what does that really mean? Be virtuous, be humble, be kind to others. Those are good. But what happens when you must discipline yourself to do them? If you must force yourself to be humble, is that really humility? Or is it pride, masked in the cloth of modesty?
If you force yourself to be virtuous, to be kind, is that really kindness?
Extend that to disciplines. If my disciplines are reading, meditating, journaling, and writing a blog post, and I must force myself do these things, what does that say? If they are mandatory, then suddenly I’m not reading because I love piquing my thoughts through different books. I’m reading because I made a vow to read. I’m not meditating to understand my mind — I’m meditating because I told myself I would sit for fifteen minutes in a set spot and not move until my timer goes off.
Do you see the difference between these things? I wrote that post earlier this week that I thought was beautiful and said that the why behind our writing is the most important thing and that we must not lie to ourselves.
You must question whether you do a thing for love, or out of expectancy of a result.
So those are the reasons I’m putting a hold on my disciplines between December 16 and January 4. It’s an experiment.
And from then on, I’ll probably try something new — three weeks on, one week off writing. We’ll see what happens. Anyway. That’s the update. I’ll put the link to my new blog again at the end of this post, and also cross-post it to there. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be writing exclusively there. So thanks for reading, I hope to see you guys soon!